Saturday, January 17, 2009

My Bloody Valentine 3D!

Sometimes I go to movies to be transported. Sometimes I go to get a harsh dose of reality. And sometimes I go see a movie just to have a damn good time. These are the Pirates of the Caribbeans and Transformers of the world. These are the Troll 2s and Snakes on a Planes. These are the My Bloody Valentine 3Ds.

My Bloody Valentine 3D is a remake of an old low-budget Canadian horror film. I haven’t seen the original, though I have heard terrible things. But when I saw that a remake of a bad slasher flick was out - and in glorious 3D no less! – I knew I had to see it. I may be a bit of a movie snob, but I’m certainly not above the cheap thrills of a decent (or terrible) B-movie.

AND WHAT CHEAP THRILLS! There are gallons of fake blood, body parts severed in ever-imaginative ways, numerous skulls impaled on pickaxes, ridiculous writing, over-the-top acting, about two or three different prologue sequences and what is likely the longest, most gratuitous nude scene ever in a horror movie. Did I mention that the movie is in fancy new digital 3D? Well… IT IS! Really, what more could a movie-lover ask for?

The movie is about a town where a miner, named Harry Warden, who had been accused of killing all of his fellow workers in a cave-in, woke up from a comma and killed scores of people and teenagers. Now, ten years later, on the anniversary of the killings and on Valentines Day, the killer is back. Oh, what fun! There is killing and mystery and what seems to be an unnatural number of scorned lovers. It all adds up to one of the best times I’ve had in the cinema in a while.

Very little about My Bloody Valentine 3D is scary. Actually, none of it is really all that scary. There were one or two jump-out-of-the-dark moments, that were less than well earned, and a couple of times the 3D is used to elicit a healthy flinch, but mostly this is a movie to go to for a good laugh. And what a laugh I had! It helped that the whole theatre, and even the movie itself, seemed in on the joke. Coming out of the theatre I knew I had seen a terrible movie; I also knew it was totally worth the price of admission.

Here’s the point: If you don’t mind a lot of gore, and even more cheesy plotting and dialogue, then My Bloody Valentine 3D warrants a recommendation. If you are a fan of early 80s slasher films then you’ll probably love this film. This is the B-movie at it’s best and I’m not ashamed to say that I loved every second of it. Did I mention that the 3D is really damn cool? Well… IT IS! My Bloody Valentine 3D is really just a damn good time at the movies.


  1. I still don't want to see that movie. I remain unconvinced hamster! Convince me!

  2. Do you see that picture there with the fire bursting out at the audience? Well, if that image and the promise of 90 minutes if ridiculousness doesn't convince you, then nothing can.